He's really gone.

As much as you can tell yourself that you're ready to see them go, there's nothing like actually seeing your husband in uniform with a gun in his hand and one on his hip, boarding a bus with his men. I can't even begin to describe the emotions, the fears, the questions. It truly is torture.

We started off the day pretending everything was normal; going out to breakfast and joking around, playing with the dogs, and trying to finish packing his last minute items. Even though it seemed normal, every squeeze of my hand and every kiss on my forehead made me remember that I wouldn't feel those things again for a long time.

Be a good boy Gambit.

Running late is something typical in my house and this day was no exception. In a way, it was a good thing. Mr. S wasn't able to really sit down and say a prolonged goodbye to each of the animals. Our fur family is just that, our family, and I knew he would have a hard time leaving them. He gave each a hug and a kiss and told them he loved them while I took pictures and that was that. I knew it was going to be hard for him to say goodbye to Pugsly, our 14 year old cat. His health has been failing and he may not be here when Mr. S gets back, but luckily with so little time, Mr. S didn't have time to wallow and be sad. The goodbyes to his fur babies went much better than expected and I was grateful for that.

Bye Bye Princess Peach.

We got to the parking lot and all I kept thinking was, "I'm not ready for this. He's not leaving." I was wrong. Not only did he leave, but I was surprisingly stronger than I realized and didn't completely break down. Yes, there were a few tears that rolled down my cheek as he gave me those final kisses, but I managed to keep it together. It was definitely the toughest day of my life for sure, but I didn't let it sink me and I'm proud of myself for that.

Now that the emotional charge of the goodbye is done and he's actually gone, I'm sort of numb to it all. With all that we've been through, I'm used to him leaving for even a few weeks or months at a time. There are still a pair of his pajamas on the bedroom floor, his slippers are still by the front door, and my bed still smells like his cologne. It feels like any other time that he's left, but I'm assuming that the realization will come in a few weeks that his homecoming is further off than normal.

All in all, I'm proud of myself for feeling so confident despite his leaving. I'm almost excited in a way to get this deployment underway because the sooner it begins, the sooner he gets to come home to me.

Come home to me safely, my love.

People can be so ignorant.

I just have to take a second to vent. I am so incredibly frustrated that people can be so close minded.

As you know, I am a veterinary technician and care deeply for animals. Not only do I have two dogs, a cat, and a rabbit of my own, but I frequently rescue animals who are going to be euthanized at the local animal control and nurse them back to health until they can be placed in a forever home. All these animals need is time and love to become the perfect pets. Unfortunately, animal control doesn't have the time or capability to do this. I rescue those that I can, but sadly many are put to sleep every day. I can't save them all.

People are so ignorant when it comes to Animal Control and cats and dogs "from the pound". It makes me crazy when people tell me that they don't want to rescue an animal from the pound because it will have issues. Another thing I hear a lot is that people want a "pure bred" animal. I can't change these people's minds despite the fact that I try.

Another type of ignorant person is that person who breeds their animals for no reason other than to make money. There are so many breeders of pit bulls down here. It makes me so mad. If one of them could look at all the sad faces of pit bulls who will never be adopted down at animal control, I would hope they would stop breeding, but they won't ever know. They choose to stay ignorant while countless lives are being lost due to this overpopulation and mistreatment by humans. UGH!!! So MAD!!!

I wish I could scream it from the rooftops and make the world unserstand that the way some people treat and think about these animals as disposable is WRONG! One of my own dogs, Peach, a 1 1/2 year old Chihuahua was treated in this way. She was purchased by a woman for about $1200 and was taken care of until about her first birthday. Her owner decided to take her, her "outfits", and all her paperwork down to the local animal control. The reason she gave for giving her up was that she didn't have the time for her. What she didn't care to think about when she dropped her off was that owner surrenedered animals are typically brought straight to the back and euthanized due to lack of space. Luckily for Peach I was there to rescue her. She is truly the sweetest dog and I get emotional when I think about how someone could have ever given up this little angel. She makes my heart smile. How can you turn your back on that?

Ok. I'm done with my rant... I just needed to vent my frustration.