Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Losing my Ranger Wife Buddy

I just received a phone call from my friend. Her husband was in the same IBOLC course with Mr. S and started Ranger school with him as well. We have a lot in common and we both were glad to have eachtother through this process. Well, apparently her husband has been dropped from the course.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Part of me is upset for him because I know if he wanted it even half as badly as Mr. S does, he's going to be really mad at himself for not succeeding. Then, I'm upset for Kati because I can't even imagine if Mr. S came home. I wouldn't know how to handle it...or more like I wouldn't know how to handle him. There's nothing she can do or say to fix it. I'm sure she's excited to see him, but it's so akward to not be able to show that excitement due to his disappointment. I know I would feel disappointed in Mr. S for not seeming to be excited to see me due to his being upset for leaving Ranger School. That would hurt.

I'm also nervous now for Mr. S. Her husband graduated IBOLC as the top LT in their class, so I'm anxious that if he couldn't make it through even the first week, what does that mean for Mr. S? Can he really do this? I know he wants to be able to, but there are 7.5 more weeks to go! I had faith that he would be just fine, but to see her husband come home makes me think maybe mine will too...

Finally, I'm upset for me. Part of me is jealous of the position she is in, despite it not being ideal right this moment. I would be so happy to see Mr. S. There is so much that has happened already that I want to tell him. I feel like he's missing out. I know that's selfish, so I try not to think about that, but I have to admit that it wouldn't be the worst thing if he were sent least not the worst thing to me, but definitely the worst for him. I'm also bummed that her husband got sent home because we were in this together as Army wives, and now I feel like I'm a little bit alone. Again, that's selfish on my part and I don't want to be that way, but I can't help but feel that I'm all alone now.

I am alone.

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